1. First, and most importantly, discuss not just rules but guidelines with your children. Develop a household contract for Internet usage.
Rules tend to be of the “because I said so” variety and do not enable children to truly learn why they are necessary. Instead, work with your children to come up with a shared group of guidelines. Talk through the importance of each guideline. Turn them into a contract, with each member of the family signing off on them. Then post them right next to the computer for all to see. Check this website from NetSmartz to find Internet safety pledges your family can use.
The Internet safety pledges on the NetSmartz page are a great jumping off point for discussing protection from strangers, but don’t say much about protecting yourself even when you are talking to known friends. Many children and teens are using social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook to connect with friends, chat, and develop a sense of self. Social networking sites are great tools, when used appropriately; however, many children (and adults) don't consider or realize all of the effects of having a virtual "self." (If you are unfamiliar with social networking services, sign up for an account yourself, check out this Wikipedia page to learn more, or watch this quick video from Lee LeFever on the Common Craft Show:
All children inevitably defy their parents at some point or another. For whatever reason, they just can’t believe that you have their best interests in mind. But when it comes to Internet safety, the danger becomes even greater if you have not already established a trusting relationship with your children. If their fear of losing their Internet privileges is greater than their fear of a danger they face on the Internet, they may not come to you to discuss it. At the first hint of trouble, your primary inclination will be to lock the computer away, and your child with it. Try to hold back. Remember, these kids are the information age, and no amount of locks and keys will keep them from using the Internet, so help your child solve their problem responsibly and be the adult they need.
From the beginning, let your children know that in order to use MySpace, Facebook, e-mail, instant messaging, Blogger, Twitter, Bebo, YouTube, Second Life, Webkinz, Flickr, or even Amazon, they will need to let you in on it. Set up the profiles together. Talk about password protection together. Let them know from the beginning that you do not want to invade their privacy, but if they don’t want mommy to see it, it isn’t happening. Keep your computer in a high-traffic area of your house, not in your child’s bedroom. As your child gets older, give him/her more privacy to explore personal issues, but develop that privacy slowly, and continue to discuss privacy issues with your child.
3. Really, truly, thoroughly discuss the notion of privacy on the Internet.
Children often post pictures, events, and other personal information to their profile pages, assuming they are private. These pages can be set to private so that only known friends can see the information, but children also need to know that any "friend" can copy and past the information to a public forum or distribute to a wider audience. In addition, children also befriend people they don't really know, thereby eliminating the whole notion of privacy. Be sure you talk to your children about this notion of privacy. Together, work through all of the advantages and disadvantages of posting certain types of information to the Internet. Allow them to work out for themselves exactly why they need to be careful, and guide them toward safe, appropriate behavior. We all know that a child's ability to reason something through to the end is simply not as well-developed as an adult's, and your children will be much more responsive to your guidelines if they understand the reasoning behind them!
4. Become a positive role model for your children. Do what they are doing, but do it better.
If your child is using Facebook, MySpace, IM, Twitter, e-mail, or anything else, you should be doing it too. You don’t need to spend all your free time checking your friends’ status updates, but play around with the tools enough that you feel confident discussing and using them with your child. If you don’t figure out how to use the tools appropriately and responsibly yourself, how can you expect your child to be more responsible than you are? Create a social network of parents and use it to model a positive social network. You will probably be surprised at what you can do with it!
5. Learn from your children.
Face it. Unless you are in the IT business, your kids know more about using the Internet than you will probably ever know. You are the digital immigrant, your children are digital natives, blah blah blah. If it were truly a language barrier, you would never just go about your life speaking a different language than your children and being unable to communicate with them. This is their mode of communication. This is their language. Learn it. Let them teach you what they are doing on the computers. It will help you learn, establish that all-important trust, and help them develop their skills!
6. Do your research. Google yourself. Google your kids. Pay attention.
Regularly keep track of your Internet presence. Go to www.google.com and search for your name in quotes. Add the name of the company you work for, a league you are in, or an organization you belong to. Do multiple searches to find information buried on the Web. Do the same for your children. Find out what is already out there on the Internet about you and your family, and monitor it regularly. Be the role model your children need.
7. Talk to me!
I don't claim to be a true expert on these issues, but I am certainly accessible. I use social networking sites, e-mail, IM, and other technologies regularly and would be glad to show you how I use them, what I use them for, and how you can set up your own accounts. Please, don't feel at all afraid to bother me. The worst thing you can do is to stay in the dark.
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